Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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