There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
