She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wear drunk well.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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