If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
