It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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