everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
