I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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