i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
