Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
