God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
