i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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