How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
