I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you win again, gameday.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
