I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
