Already got asked if we're dating
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
