hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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