I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
