this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sarcasm needs its own font
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
