Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found your dick twin last night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
