One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
