If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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