So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
