my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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