You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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