So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
