Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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