she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
