Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
