mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
