are you so shy because you have an std?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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