What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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