Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize