evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
