either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
