I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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