ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
