I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
