I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
