Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
