It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
