Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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