I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
