i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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