Yo dont text me then not text me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
