I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
