Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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