You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
