It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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