guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
