shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
