I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
