you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
