there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
