I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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