So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
