Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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