did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
