Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
