Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
