when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
