What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
