you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize