i just google imaged poop.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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