K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
