Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
