I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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