If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
