i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
