Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
