You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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