Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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