i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
