I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
