Your dad touched me again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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