So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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