mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
